


I've been missing you lately

by sassenachwaffles



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Whole lot of Angst, tbh, wee bit o' angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 12:11:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14212884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachwaffles/pseuds/sassenachwaffles
Summary: Commander James Fraser is back from his last tour in Afghanistan booking a one-way flight to Boston to find the love of his life engaged to another man.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OK DON'T RIOT ON ME. This is part of The Lallybroch Library Prompt Exchange from tumblr! I know some of you readers don't read fic off that platform, so here it is for all of you.

_You know what this means.” I said as the tears filled my eyes._

_“Aye.” He responded, as he watched me open the letter. “Ye got matched, I take it.”_

_I held my breath and sank into the pillows on the couch, slowly opening the letter in my hands. I could feel his eyes on me-weights that were keeping me grounded somewhere on this plane of existence. It was taking all the strength I had to not breakdown. We had feared this would be coming. We had both known it deep in our bones, neither one of us wanting to ace the reality set before us._

_An inevitable separation: one due to oath, one due to country._

_“Claire.” Jamie breathed with bated breath as I opened my letter._

_Congratulations! You’ve been matched!_  
Program Type: General Surgery  
Institution Name: Massachusetts General Hospital 

_“Boston.” I whispered. “Yours?”_

_I watched as Jamie held his yellow envelope, opening the fold at the top and pulling out a stack of papers. He slowly annunciated the formal letter of his newest orders. “Commander Fraser, you are here by called to report to Afghanistan with unit 44.”_

_He walked towards me slowly, dropping his letter on the couch. He took my face between his large calloused hands, mouth claiming mine. He was slow and deliberate, kissing me with every fiber in his being. Leaving me speechless, he kissed my forehead as he grabbed his duffel bag._

_I watched him leave behind my film of tears, his desert cammies the last thing I could make out in somewhat-clear vision, knowing full well that this would be the last picture of Jamie Fraser engrained into my mind._

_____________________

**2 Years Later**

He had done it- his commitment to his country had been fulfilled, his last active duty tour completed. 

He deviated from his flight from Munich back to Edinburgh, booking a direct one-way ticket to Boston. He hadn’t heard from her since their dreaded and unwanted goodbye. No letters, no phone calls, no text messages. He had yearned for her every damn day he had found himself in the middle of the desert. He had dreamed to feel her softy ivory skin on his, the feel of her full lips against his, her curls on his face.

He knew where she worked- that was the easy part. General surgery was a four year program, the chances he could still find her at Mass Gen were likely very probable.

The flight he thought had been long. He hadn’t been able to sleep: to eager to kiss her once more and yet to nervous to hold her hands between his again. He could feel the tingling sensation in his hands and toes, the butterflies rising in his stomach as the wheels landed on the runway.

The flight he thought had been long was nothing in comparison to the 20 minute Uber ride he hailed from Boston Logan International Airport to Massachusetts General Hospital.

He walked into the hospital and up to the information desk. An older lady with snow capped hair smiling at him, “How can I help you today, sir?” 

“Aye. I am looking for a Dr. Beauchamp?” Jamie responded, the unsteadiness in his voice

“Ahhhh, Claire! Yes, let me page the offices and see where she is for you. Give me just a minute.” The receptionist said as he read her name-tag. Debbie Reynolds.

“Thank ye kindly.” He replied, sticking his hands in his pockets. Feeling uneasy being so close to her and yet still so far, he scanned around the entrance as he heard Ms. Reynolds dialing through to the office. 

A few minutes later, Ms. Reynolds waved at him, gaining his attention. “Sir, she just clocked out for the day… You might be able to catch her on your way out. If you go outside through the main doors and take your first right, walk about two blocks and there’s the employee parking lot.”

Jamie nodded with a small tilt of his head as he made his way to the parking lot.

It was a quick walk, no more than five minutes. He waited, eyes scanning the two exits on either side for the mess of brown curls he had so yearned for. He watched as 4 doctors exited the building, followed by a sea of nurses, and one more doctor.

“Ah dhia, I hope I havena missed her.” Jamie whispered to himself as he fumbled with the watch on his wrist, looking down to check the time. And just as he looked up, like clockwork, she was there.

As beautiful as ever- if not more. She had only aged better with time. It had only been two years but it had felt like 200 years without her. Catching his breath and slowing his heart rate, he stood straight, gathering the courage to go and talk to her.

He watched as she hugged another doctor, as she pulled her hands from around his neck, that’s when he saw it. The light catching it just at the right angle.

A diamond ring. A diamond ring on the slender left hand of hers. A sign of belonging. A sign of promise. A sign of love. To another- to a man. A man who was not him.

He felt the tears behind his eyes as he turned on his heel.

“You’re tearing my guts out, Claire.” He whispered to himself, as his worst nightmare had just become his reality.

He didn’t even hear her as she called his name from the other side of the parking lot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire walks in at the wrong time, and WHO is Jamie in bed with?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming back at you, with some more angst! That's where this is headed.

“Have a good trip with Gail, Joe! I will miss you next week, but will hold down the fort.” I said as I pulled my dearest friend into a hug.

“Thanks LJ—Gail and I are SO ready to take this trip before the baby comes.” Joe Abernathy responded as I saw his eyes flicker just past my head. “Lady Jane, there’s a man watching you from across the parking lot… Can I walk you to your car?”

“Let’s see who it is,” I started as I turned and faced the anonymous person on the other side of the parking lot.

I could feel the blood rushing out of my face, leaving me as white as the ghost I was staring at.

“Claire?” Joe asked placing his hand on my shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“I… am….uh…” I started but just as quickly as my mind had registered who it was he was gone, turning on his heel, and leaving.

“JAMIE.” I shouted – but he didn’t hear me, or rather, maybe he hadn’t wanted to hear me. I watched as he got into a taxi leaving me.

“Oh shit.” I heard Joe as he grabbed me by my shoulders, steadying me. “Was that…the Jamie?”

“Yes.” I whispered, barely audible, as I sank to my knees.

“Oh god, Lady Jane.” Joe said sinking down to my level. “You have to go after him this time.”

“I know, I know.” I said with my voice that was filled with hysteria as the tears ran down my fce, the last time I had interacted with a Fraser coming to my mind.

_“Claire, it is good to se ye.” Jenny Murray said as I pulled into Lallybroch and stepped out of my vehicle. Jamie had been deployed for just over two months and I had one week left in Scotland before my relocation to America._

_“I just wanted to come, say my farewell before I move to America.” I said, honestly. Jenny had been the closest thing I had ever had to a sister—her and Ian, Maggie and wee Jamie the closest thing I had ever had to a sister._

_“Of course ye did.” Jenny said as she stood on the steps._

_“Jenny… I know, you miss him, and probably blame me for him going on another tour. But we both know he would have gone, either way. There was no changing his mind.” I said just above a whisper, playing with the pockets in my dress._

_“I ken that. I also wanted to tell ye, he moved on from ye. I got a letter from him telling me to pass the message on, ye shouldna wait for him.”_

_It had taken me completely off guard, I wiped the tear from my eye and went back to face my car. I could feel the anger, hurt, embarrassment, and torment all inside my belly._

_“So, you have heard from him, then. I had been writing, thinking maybe he was just on a mission, couldn’t tell us where he was. But you have heard from him. I’m glad he hasn’t been obliterated by a bomb yet.” I stammered, the emotion empty in my voice. “Well Jenny, I guess this is goodbye.” I said with what little dignity I had left._

_Of course she had heard from him—the top secret missions, the war, only real family would be allowed contact. Yet, I had hoped and prayed he would disregard and send a letter back, at least something—even acknowledge the letters I had been sending. The radio silence on my end though, deep down I just had to accept it. Maybe we weren’t meant to be._

_I got in my car and watched the only home I had ever know disappear in my rearview mirror._

“LJ, LJ….” Joe said waving his hand in front of my face. “Are you there?”

Bringing myself back to the present, I half smile and nodded.

“Joe, can you drop me off at the airport on your way home please?” I said, determination in my voice.

“You going to Scotland?” He asked a small smile on his face.

“Yes, yes I am.” I reached in my pocket shooting Frank a quick text.

It’s me. Taking an unexpected work trip for the weekend. I won’t be there when you land from London. I’ll call when I know more.

_______________________

The flight to Edinburgh had been long and uneventful. I hadn’t been able to sleep, the wheels in my mind, racing non-stop.

Why had he shown up? Why was he trying to see me? He had been the one who had moved on. What did he want to rub in my face? Why? Of all the questions swirling in my head, the most important o question that I needed an answer to sat like a stone in tied to my foot, bringing me to the depths of the ocean. “Why?”

As the wheels touched the runway, I felt a sense of peace and familiarity run through me—God, I had missed Scotland. A few steps off the plane and the fresh, crisp, Scotland air filled my lungs sending chills down my spine.

I was home at last.

I quickly breezed through customs and found myself at the rental car center. The lady behind the Enterprise desk, smiling as she waved me to the counter. “Here lass, ye look like a woman on a mission.”

“I am, I’ll take the cheapest car you have. I have somewhere I need to be.” I said passing my driver’s license and credit card over. “Please.” I whispered and I looked up at her, the knots in my stomach growing larger and more frequent.

The journey there hadn’t changed; Lallybroch had stood still in time. The only foreigner in this world was now me.

I parked the car and let out a sigh of relief as Jenny’s van wasn’t there. Getting out, I slowly looked around the house.

I walked up the stairs, lifting the planter finding the spare key. I inserted it into the door, slowly opening it, listening for any signs of life.

When I heard no footsteps, I opened the door fully stepping inside and closing the door behind me.

“Hello?” I said, not loud but aggressive enough if someone was there they would have heard me.

I didn’t get a response, and continued in the entrance. I got to the buffet and saw a note in Jenny’s handwriting.

_We went to see Ian’s family for the weekend, ye have the house to yourself. The McNabs will be takin’ care o’ the animals. Love ye, Jamie._

_X,_

_Jenny_

I took the note in my hand, and set it back, as I heard the small shuffle of footsteps upstairs.

“He is here.” I whispered to myself as I steadied my breath and made my way up the stairs.

“Last door on the left.” I muttered as I put my hand on the door knob, opening it slowly. 

I opened the door to see him standing on the side of the bed, blue eyes looking into mine—piercing into the depths of my soul.

“Jamie Fraser,” I started, in my angriest of voices, “You show up in Boston and then leave- making me follow you all the way back to fucking Scotland… You bloody, fucking SCOT.”

“Claire.” He breathed, as his shirt dropped to the floor.

I stopped and turned my head to his bed, gasping. “OH.” I stammered, as I saw the mess of blonde hair on the pillow.

“Claire!” Jamie yelled as I disappeared out of the house, leaving him in the dust just as he had left me in the parking lot.

_“You bloody fucking, Scot.”_ I cried, as I heard the sounds of the gravel under the tires as I drove away, heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank YOU for reading! The pain will be worth it, eventually.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up the seat belt sign is now on!

He heard the gravel of the car as she pulled away, the anger boiling deep inside of him causing his world to spin into over drive.

_Why had she flown all this way – just for me? She, of all people, should know me better!_

Standing at the top of the stairs, frustrated, he ran his fingers through his hair and walked back to his bedroom.

“That wasna such a good wake-up call,” Laoghaire said as she sat up from under the covers, “but seein’ as I am still dressed…”

“Nothing happened. Ye got too drunk and Murtagh made me take ye home with me because there was a sketchy man eyein’ ye from the end o’ the bar.”

“Aye, but it musta meant somethin’ to ye, I am in yer bed, no?” Laoghaire said with a smile on her face as she ran her fingers through her hair.

“I was a little worse for the wear myself. I tried to put ye on the couch, but you came in crawling around 4 am. Ye shifted the bed enough I looked at the clock, but I was off kilter still and I just rolled over and went back to sleep.” Jamie said in a terse matter of fact voice as he reached for his shirt. “But ye’re fine now, as ye ken tell. I would much appreciate it if ye’d be on your way. I have some things that need tendin’ to.”

“I reckon, that Sassenach sure seemed like a tough one.”

“You.” Jamie started anger rising in his tone, “Have no right to be calling Claire that. Ye dinna like her when we together, I get that,– but she’s the woman I love and ye have no power o’er her. You never have stood a chance.”

Laoghaire stood, readjusting her jeans and throwing her hair up into a bun. “Thank ye, for making sure I was safe last night. I dinna mean to cause a problem. Goodbye, Jamie Fraser.” 

He watched as she cocked her head slightly to the side and a small frown appearing on her face.

__________________

He drove atrociously fast to Glasgow from Lallybroch—he had never been more thankful for the extra horsepower in his truck. Jamie arrived, quickly running up to his best friend’s parent’s front door. Taking a breath, he pounded three times on the Murray’s solid oak door.

John Murray, his best friend’s father, answered the door. “Aye! Jamie lad, we werena expecting ye!” He watched Jamie’s face as he saw the desperation, the tepidness—all things he had never seen in a man who was like his second son. “Is somethin’ amiss?”

“Ye could say that, I was just… Hopin’ ye would send Jenny out for a few minutes. I have something I need to discuss wi’ her. Dinna worry Ian, though yet, tellin’ him I’m here. I just need my sister for a minute, then I’ll be gone.”

“Of course.”

Jenny arrived a few breaths later, standing on the porch, her hands on her hip. “What is so urgent, brother that ye needed to drive all the way here?”

“Claire.” Jamie hissed.

“What about her?”

“What about her? Are ye really that daft Janet?” He stammered, walking up just a few inches from his sister’s face. She was small and petite, but just as stubborn as he was.

“Aye. Ye heard me…. I dinna ken what ye are referring too. Use yer words, Jamie.”

“She is engaged.”

“That’s good that she was able to move on from ye.”

Jamie clenched his hands into fists at his side, his breathing rough and ragged, his heart rate feeling as if it was going to burst out of his chest. “Do ye know, who I thought about, every damn day, in that desert while I was out there? Do ye? Do ye know what it’s like—to live half a life, half a man, half a soul wi’ the other piece of ye SO far away, there’s nothing ye can do to protect her, provide for her?”

He watched as his sister sat down on the stairs, his words processing through his mind.

“Jamie… Lad…. I promise ye, I dinna… I dinna ken how to tell ye this. But ye showed up with her, and I was finally thinkin’ that ye had found the woman ye were gonna spend the rest o’ yer life with. That ye’d get married, have a family—my weans would have cousins to play with at Hogmanay.”

He watched as she stopped for a minute, taking a breath, and playing with her wedding band. She looked up at him softly, as he gave her a rueful look and shruggd his shoulders, urging her to continue.

“Then ye call me on yer way to the airport—another tour, Claire was moving to Boston. I lost not just a brother for two years, but I lost a sister as well. I blamed her, I blamed her for it all. For you leaving, for leaving us…. She should have loved ye enough to stop ye from going—you should have stopped her from moving!” The tears rolling down her cheeks. Jamie sat down next to her, resting his hands on her knees. “After everything this family had been through— yer first tour, yer accident and recovery, let alone Mam, Da, and Willie…..” 

Jamie wiped a tear off her face, taking her hands into his. “I ken what ye mean, Jenny…”

Jenny took her hands out of his and covered her face. “Listen, Jamie…. I did something, and I am goin’ to have to ask for ye forgiveness…”

__________________

Jamie thought he had driven to Glasgow fast, but somehow the drive back to Inverness was even quicker.

He knew where he’d find her: there was only one small Bed & Breakfast in Inverness. There was also only one pub that served decent whisky, and if there was one other person he knew as well as himself—it was Claire Beauchamp.

He parked the car, turning off the ignition and pulling his hood up as mist started to fall from the evening sky. Slowly, he crept the half block to the entrance to the pub.

The daylight was dissipating: the neon signs and one streetlight illuminating the sidewalk. He stood outside the large floor to ceiling window and scanned the barstools and that’s when he saw her.

She was still in what appeared to be scrubs, her hair in a tangled mess of a bun, her cheeks slightly flushed, her eyes puffy and red. There were three empty tumblers in front of her, as she held on to a fifth and took a sip of the amber liquid.

Murtagh, his godfather and bartender, was across from her—Claire’s hands enveloped by his.

He hated seeing her like this—he hated that he had caused her to feel like this. He hated what Jenny had done. He hated that she wasn’t his anymore. But still, there was a small piece of happiness in him, she had followed him—one glance of him was all it had taken and she had crossed an ocean for him.

That had to mean something.

He took a breath, pushing the hood off his jacket as he tapped the window.

Blue eyes meeting whisky, he placed his hand on the glass, nodding to the door. Claire nodded in response, wrapping her jacket around her slender frame, exiting the bar.

“Claire, there’s something I need to tell ye.” Jamie said helplessly.

“Jamie…. I’m in love with another man.” Claire started, the tears falling down her face.

His stomach was in his throat at her confession – how in the hell was he going to fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will all be fixed, soon!


	4. Chapter 4

I walked out of the bar, wrapping my arms around my waist, a shield for whatever pieces of my heart I had left.

As I stepped fully outside with the door closed behind me, I found his blue eyes piercing into mine. Whisky meeting blue – just like they had on that dreaded day when we said our goodbyes.

I could hear his tone of voice in the background—but my mouth rattled the words quicker than I had intended. I didn’t mean the words— no – not with any fiber in my being, yet I had said them.

“I’m in love with another man, Jamie.” I heard the hollowness in my voice as I spoke. The empty pit I had become as a person the last 2 years flashed right in front of me.

I watched the corners of his mouth form a small smile as he spoke. “No yer not.”

Bloody Scot, could always read me like a book.

“How in the BLOODY hell do you know that?” I yelled at him as I took a step closer towards him.

“No yer not. Ye hopped on a plane, didna pack, ‘cause ye are still in yer scrubs.” Jamie started as he took a small step forward—closing the proximity between us —“I ken because you are here, Sassenach.”

I stopped and put my hand up, not allowing him to come any closer and took a deep breath.

“You look horrible. Like you’ve been run over by a locomotive.”

That got me a small Scottish grunt and a humorless laugh as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“After ye ran out on me this morning, I needed to talk to someone who… Would understand. So, I thought of Jenny, naturally. Her and Ian and the bairns are out in Glasgow, visiting Ian’s parents. Ye dinna even let me explain…”

“Well, there wasn’t much to say, you had another woman in your bed.”

“Ye didna stay to let me give ye the story.”

“Mmm.” I humphed at him as I raised an eyebrow at him.

“It has only ever been you, surely ye ken that.”

“You LEFT.” I screamed as I clenched my fists by my sides. “No letters, no phone calls, nothing. For two bloody fucking years.”

I watched as he crossed his arms, tilting his head to the side, urging me to continue.

“I went to Lallybroch, to say my own goodbyes. About three months after you had left, and right before I moved to Boston. They were like family to me, you know!”

I watched his eyes soften as I spoke of our farewell—of his family who had also become my family—the memories that haunted our past coming back to our present.

“She said you had written her, and you had told her that I should move on, not wait for you, that you didn’t have the heart to tell me yourself….. And I did that. I moved on because you didn’t have the guts to tell me yourself!” my voice cracked as I struggled to keep it from shaking— I could feel my face was red – probably the reddest it had ever been. I was borderline in full-fledged panic mode. I had never gone off on anyone like this. Jamie’s face was flat – he didn’t even know how to respond.

“I didna do—“

“I AM NOT FINISHED YET!” I interjected at a high-pitched noise. “And I wrote you, EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR. And not a WORD back, James Fraser.”

“Sassen—“

_“DON’T CALL ME THAT.”_

He stopped and I could see his cheeks blush a faint shade of red as he bit his tongue.

“You don’t get to call me that, you don’t get to do anything because YOU stopped caring. YOU stopped loving me!” I finished with the last bit of energy I had—barely audible, as the tears started to flow down my cheeks. Now, I was hysterical.

“NO.” I heard him hiss at me as he took a step closer to me. Now our noses were merely inches apart and I could feel his breath warm on my lips. “NO.”

I stood a bit straighter, squaring my shoulders. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my pulse strong in my ears, my breathing extremely shallow. He wanted to get a reaction out of me, and it was working. 

**“YOU’RE TEARING MY GUTS OUT, CLAIRE. DO YE REALLY NO’ SEE IT?”**

I closed my eyes, as the sobs started to come over me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I could feel his grip tighten.

“Do ye know what I dreamed about, every day in that damn desert?”

I shook my head sheepishly at him, not opening my eyes.

“Of you, Sassenach. Yer hair in that god’s awful bird’s nest when ye first wake up in the morning, how ye dinna like peppermint toothpaste so ye always taste like spearmint when ye used to kiss me goodbye in the mornings.”

I didn’t open my eyes, but my ears caught the crack in inflection, an intimacy his tone as he recalled the mornings we used to spend together.

“How ye like yer coffee black and yer breakfast tea with a dash of cinnamon, and ye smell of lemons when I used to bring ye lunches at the hospital because of the hand sanitizer ye keep in yer pocket. I used to dream ye were lying next to me on that cot, that I’d wait up and smell your curls that smelled like lavender and honey.”

“Jamie… You have to st—“

**“NO. I dinna have to stop! I DIDNA ken ye wrote me…. I never got a thing. And if ye werena so GODDAMN STUBBORN, YE WOULD HAVE LET ME FINISH MY STORY.”**

I felt my shield crack at his words. He had never gotten my letters? Had he spent all this time as hurt and confused as I had been? What did this mean?

Could I open this door again? No – that was the past, and I could not handle being hurt again. Not by Jamie – I had barely survived the first time.

To love him – and then lose him again—it would end me.

“There is nothing left to tell…”

“DAMMIT SASSENACH!” He grunted as he shook me, almost violently. I opened my eyes and looked up to his to realize I had never seen this look on his face, I didn’t know how to respond. His eyes were glossy—a film of tears on the brink of falling. I could see the heartbreak written on his face as clear as day.

I thought my heart had hurt – but by the pain escaping the lines of his face, he had had the worst end of the bargain.

“Jenny admitted to me she told ye to move on. She was angry at me for leaving for another tour, when I dinna need to. She was angry at you too, for leaving for Boston. She was just angry at the fact we both left her… She was angry because she lost us both at the same time…”

“My let—lette—letters?” I managed to croak, almost incoherently, but I got the words out.

“Shortly after I was deployed, we were on a mission somewhere in the Hindu Kush mountains – my unit, we were bombarded. 4 of my men died from an IED, 2 from bullet wounds to the skull. I was the only survivor, kept a prisoner of war for 10 months.”

“Oh my god.” Another crack in the remaining pieces of whatever shield I had left. I was timid at first, as I slumped my shoulder, the anger slowly dissipating from me as my healing instincts wanted to kick in – and I placed my hand over his heart.

“Shh. Let me finish, Sassenach.” He said as he hushed me, his grasp loosening on me and his tone of voice lowering. I looked away, in fear of where I had a feeling the conversation was headed. I knew too well the hardships of war, I had seen the battered US soldiers back in Boston.

“It was Dougal, my uncle, ye remember? Well… I, was tortured, many a time. For information, that I wouldna give them. Dougal and his team, rescued me, and I had a verra long road to recovery. Dougal kept the letters, didna let anyone save for him and the doctors, talk to me, or know what had happened… My status of recovery.”

I held my breath as I directed my glance towards his once more. Those sea blue eyes- I had known like the back of my hand and dreamed of every night since he had departed from me – were now overcome by of a cloud of grey as he relived the hell. Of things I could not even fathom or pretend to comprehend.

I could taste the salt from my tears on the corner of my mouth. I let out my breath, and I said his name. “Jamie.”

“Ye see, Sassenach. I didna forget ye, I couldna forget ye for a second while I was gone. The only reason I survived, was because of YOU, Claire.”

“I should have been told! I would have been there for you.” I grunted as I grabbed his biceps. I could feel my finger nails leaving marks, even through the layers of his jacket.

“National Security, ye ken?”

“I fucking ken alright! But Jamie, it was over before you left….We said goodbye….”

**“NO.”** He said with a firm tone. “We said goodbye, but it **WASNA** over. It wasna over then, and it still isna over.”

I couldn’t reply—his mouth claimed mine and for the first time in two years, I could breathe again.


	5. Chapter 5

His breath was hot on my mouth as he pushed me into the alley, pinning me against the brick wall. His hands were a flurry over my body—touching my hair running his fingers against my cheek and down my sides, recalling to memory how our bodies once molded into one flesh.

He moved to my neck as I gasped for air. “Jamie, we can’t. Not here.”

Jamie grunted and bit my neck as he let out as raspy “No, I canna wait for ye any longer.”

I let out a small huff as I tried to push him off me. He pushed me further into the wall, keeping me pinned and completely at his mercy. He smiled at me softly as he shrugged his shoulders, “I canna stop, I need ye, Sassenach.”

And that was enough for me to cave into his desires, for I needed him just as badly.

His hands found their way to the drawstring of my scrubs—his fingers cool on my belly as a hint of my flesh touched his bare hands. He untied them slowly and I followed his lead as I unbuttoned the top of his jeans.

“Are you sure, Jamie? Someone could walk by the alley at any moment!” I whispered as I watched him push his jeans and boxers down with one hand, his other hand dropping my green scrubs to the ground.

I let out a small squeak as he looked down at me – his blue eyes stone cold with intention, and nodded, grabbing the base of his skull pulling his mouth back to mine.

His hands traced the outline of my underwear as his thumbs were on my hips and he shimmied them down to my thighs.

“Claire.” He breathed as he took a full breath, one arm taking my leg and wrapping it around his waist. “Claire.”

He was quick—yet thorough—the years of pent up emotion, anger, loneliness and heartbreak fading into oblivion as he meshed his soul with mine once more. The cold brick against my skin sent a shiver down my spine, the pounding rhythm would no doubt produce bruises in the morning—but there was no time to think of superficial consequences now. No. Now it was time to heal old wounds and remind myself what it was to feel alive again. But as I let myself go and followed soon after, I knew I was home.

___________________

“Did the two of ye sort yerselves out?” Murtagh, Jamie’s godfather, asked as we walked back into the bar.

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders as I scooted a barstool closer to Jamie’s.

“Aye.” Jamie said, as Murtagh poured three glasses of whisky.

Jamie raised his as did Murtagh, both looking at me. “To the fairest Sassenach.” 

“Slainte.” I beamed, clinking my glass with theirs.

“Tis good to have ye back, Claire. I ken the lad missed ye.” Murtagh said with a small smile.

I blushed as I took a large sip of my whisky. “It is good to be home.”

Jamie reached over putting a curl behind my ear. “It’s good to have ye back.”

We sat for a few minutes—sipping whisky, telling tales of the last few years, when I heard a persistent hum and vibration of a phone.

“That would be me.” I laughed as I looked down at the lock screen, my stomach turning to constant knots.

“Hullo,” I greeted the call with my thickest British accent.

“Claire? Where are you?” Frank asked through the phone.

“I, oh… Scotland.” I answered, honestly. Jamie’s shoulders rounded and he turned his head towards me with a raise of his eyebrows. I gave him a small nod, affirming his unsaid question.

“You just left the country with no notice?” Frank continued.

“I… Yes. It was a matter of utmost urgency. I did not mean to scare you… But when I come home…”

“He’s alive, isn’t he?” Frank asked and I could hear the small crack in his voice as he said ‘he’s alive.’ My heart stopped and I squeezed Jamie’s hand making his knuckles go white.

“Yes.” I breathed into the phone.

“Claire….”

“I’m sorry, Frank. I… He… It was always him.”

“I know.” Frank finished, and the line went dead.

I put the phone down on the counter, and turned to Jamie, kissing him. Remind myself of all the promises our future would hold.

___________________

5 Weeks Later

It had been a hard decision for Jamie to move to Boston – his life had once been in Scotland where his family was—and it had not been an easy goodbye. Yet, we were thrilled with the promises a new land and country would offer us—where we could make memories and start the rest of our lives.

We had returned to my old flat I had once shared with Frank to find it nearly empty, save for a bed and my clothes. I had to find us a new place – I couldn’t have remnants of Frank around the life I had always dreamed of having with Jamie.

While Jamie went to job interviews, I searched and searched, finally finding a place halfway between where he was set to start work in a week and the hospital. It was small and humble, one bed and bath, and a small kitchen. All that we needed was there, each other.

“Is this the last of your stuff, Jamie?” I laughed as I tapped another cardboard box shut and stacked it into the pile. “For a man who was gone for the past few years, you seem to have a lot of things.”

Jamie shook his head at me as he reached into my back pocket, grabbing the keys. “Welcome home, Sassenach.”

I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him to me. “The way it was always meant to be, hmmm?”

“Yes, Claire… The first day of our forever, ye ken? For no matter where ye are, I am home.” Jamie titled my head up towards his, kissing my softly.

“As long as we both shall live.” I promised. For this time, there was no more “I miss you’s”, as our story was truly just beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> *Runs and hides in corner.....*


End file.
